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Jack is a pretty average guy. Average except every word that comes out of his mouth is tainted with sarcasm. His constant interaction with computers has left him somewhat lacking when dealing with human beings, and so Jack has a severely underdeveloped sense of tact.
His job is trivial enough that he has a hard time focusing while at work. Instead, he spends his days posting to various forums, playing video games, and avoiding his supervisors with uncanny success. If you asked Jack what his job actually is... he probably couldn't tell you.
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CJ likes beer. So much, in fact that he brews his own. He stopped working normal jobs and started brewing beer full time. Now he pulls down a respectable salary by sleeping on the couch all day, swilling his own brew, and playing video games while his two employees make the beer in his bedroom.
CJ is about as laid back as a person can get without being dead. The only thing that keeps him busy is his need to create mischief, typically in the form of breaking records for obscure things like: most elderly hit with spitballs on moving bus before the 9th Street exit. | 
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Ned used to live across the hall until a mysterious fire swept through his apartment. He's since moved in with Jack and CJ and has been wholly unprepared for living with two such unique fellows. As the only true voice of reason in the apartment, Ned usually has his work cut out for him.
Ned's job is in all forms identical to Jack's job. However, Ned actually works at his job. He has to provide technical support to the "electronically challenged" for eight hours a day, and so he tends to be a bit more tightly wound than most. Jack and CJ have decided to take it upon themselves to push Ned to the edge of sanity and beyond.
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Smitty has the misfortune of living next to Jack and CJ. He's an easy-going guy and slow to anger, and those are probably the only reasons that he hasn't killed the neighbors yet. Somehow, despite his efforts to stay clear of the two, he always gets pulled into their schemes, typically without his knowledge or consent.
Smitty has the resources to outsmart Jack and CJ, but he lacks the devious nature. Instead, he logs anonymously onto their game servers and virtually beats them silly.
Smitty is better known by his online gaming name, "Q-Borg". | 
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Mr. Tickles is Ned's cat. He graduated from Yale with a law degree, but instead of starting his own firm he decided to just sit around, read comic books, and think of ways to kill CJ and Jack.
In his spare time he plays endless amounts of N64 games, hoping to "power up" and acquire the ever elusive "extra lives". He doesn't know N64 sucks. |
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Molly lives on the sixth floor with her folks and their transforming guinea pig named Devon. Her hobbies are dismembering dolls, extortion, armed robbery, and playing Pokemon. She's five and a half and for her sixth birthday she wants her two front teeth and a fully automatic H&K G3A3 with 30X scope, molded handgrip, and a three round trigger group.
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Mrs. Floris Dortmeyer lives on the fifth floor with her cats. She was born in 1904, and most people speculate she died in 1983. She owns -at last count- 148 cats, most of which are named "Mittens" since it's easy for her to remember. Mrs. Dortmeyer has a quick wit when she remembers to take her medication. Otherwise she's just another certifiable loon.
It is rumored that in her younger days, Mrs. Dortmeyer trained many a famous Jedi. |
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Aeron the Angel and Darokin the Demon are two sides of the same coin. Aeron acts as the guide for travellers of the Righteous Path. Darokin is a guide of a different sort, chosing a path that's not so righteous. For example: during his spare time, Darokin drives the Express Bus to Hell.
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This SWAT team was hand-picked from the Bastoria Police Department's finest. Turk, Glenn, and Jacobs train day and night, and sharpen their comabt skills by playing Ghost Recon and Counterstrike. Unfortunately, Bastoria has very little crime, and even fewer incidents that require the BPD SWAT team. This makes Turk, Glenn, and Jacobs ever-willing to volunteer their talents for any job that may require their crackerjack timing.
Somehow, unsurprisingly, this leads them to Jack, Ned and CJ's apartment about once a week. The SWAT team is always itching for the three roommates to give them some reason to use lethal force. |
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After losing their job as radio DJs due to an embarrasing on-air prank, Cabot and Fleischman joined the ranks of the powerful government agencies with small acronymns. Now they spend most of their time in a non-descript cargo van, invading the private lives of the townsfolk of Bastoria with high tech gadgets. No one is safe from their technological reach. However, both are easily bribed with a warm Krispy Kreme® and a hot cup o' java.
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